tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37651192717501293852024-02-08T08:52:57.633-08:00Dragonfly Bodhisattva's Insights and ReflectionsDragonfly Bodhisattvahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11344434965836772457noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765119271750129385.post-86157790881739494902010-07-17T23:19:00.000-07:002010-07-17T23:21:19.896-07:00Switching Names and MovingHello Everyone who follows this...<br />I've decided to change my blog name to Dragonfly Mystic and will hence be posting from now on over to that account here at Blogger. Please look for me there.<br /><br />B/HPSP/DB/DMDragonfly Bodhisattvahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11344434965836772457noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765119271750129385.post-77491626920526456342010-06-29T22:16:00.000-07:002010-06-29T22:26:25.459-07:0020100630It's definitely been quite awhile since I've posted, but now that I have access to internet I will be posting hopefully at least once a week or so.<br /><br />My latest lesson learned is: "Truth, like Beauty, is in the eyes of the beholder, and therefore not absolute."<br /><br />Been really struggling with finances, seeing how I was fired from Dunkin' Donuts March 12, because my manager couldn't stand me, because I was gay (her Assistant Manager was gay and she wanted him to be the only queer there), and that I was pagan (which she continually asked questions and then degraded my answers). My transgendered sibling also was fired the same day for questioning why I was fired (s/he worked there as well, but was off the clock). The manager claims it was for insubordination, and accuses of me of calling her a very vulgar name. Well we have sent our 1st Rebuttal in for our lawsuit against the company and against her.<br /><br />Other than that, working p/t as a cashier at a local grocery store. My car died 2 weeks ago and will cost $400-600 to fix, which I don't have. I'll be 5 months in arrears with rent, have a disconnection notice from National Grid and am sinking deeper into depression quite often.<br /><br />On a good note, I became Music Director for an upcoming Victorian Leisure Fair which is forming here in CNY, which will be held at the Erie Canal Village in Rome NY. It will be every Sat/Sun beginning July 31st through Sept 5th, 10:00am-7:00pm. It is set in Victorian England and we're quite excited about it. I'll be doing tarot readings and crystal ball and water scrying in the Gypsy Camp. Please help spread the word!<br /><br />NamasteDragonfly Bodhisattvahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11344434965836772457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765119271750129385.post-18101730410288109252010-03-28T11:09:00.000-07:002010-03-28T11:16:47.646-07:0020100328Well many things have happened since posting last. First of all, Kris and I were fired from Dunkin' Donuts on the same day! Kris was off the clock and just asked a question, while I told the manager, Melissa, to get over it when I made a mistake punching in an order at drive-thru! How idiotic!!! I know that Melissa has been wanting to get rid of me, just waiting for an excuse, but I NEVER thought that she would go that far and accuse me of doing something that I didn't do, which is SO out of my character! She accused me of calling her a C U Next Tuesday!!! I was flabbergasted! I vowed to her on my priest robes that I did no such thing, but she didn't care. Harriet was even in on it because she wanted her Senior Shift Leader title back.<br /><br />So now we're fighting it, the non due process that we feel we should've gotten. I find this whole situation so bogus. Melissa, in all her insecurities, especially with me being highly educated and articulate, is so freaking immature and shouldn't be a manager of anything. It's just so frustrating.<br /><br />My ritual for Mystic Circle went really well. I read part of what I wanted to say occasionally, but didn't rely on the script totally. Everyone liked it, which I'm thankful for.<br /><br />*sighs* Oh well. I'm here at Barnes & Noble in Clay on Route 31 waiting for our CNY PPD meeting at 3pm. Just got to love planning meetings! It's going to be quite difficult without Teresa here. How I miss her so!<br /><br />Baduktai T'CaemDragonfly Bodhisattvahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11344434965836772457noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765119271750129385.post-34968331643589698252010-03-11T14:28:00.000-08:002010-03-11T14:39:17.314-08:00100311It's been quite awhile since I posted. I've just been working a lot, getting ready for the first ritual that I'm in charge of for Mystic Circle this Ostara, and reading. <br /><br />I really wish that I could find myself. I know who I am but I'm not really sure where I want to be, or what I want to do. I know that I miss performing, I miss focusing on my music and composing, miss working with professional musicians. I feel that I still want to go for nursing and become an RN but I'm not sure how to go about it. I still owe NYS money. The system sucks! It keeps you trapped, no matter how much potential you have, yet it gives to foreigners free education and money all in the name of diplomacy! BAH! <br /><br />I'm just so frustrated with my life. I know that I am responsible for it turning out this way, but I'm not sure which choices or avenues to help correct it. So I'm stuck, stuck in this hole, and just when I climb my way almost out, something comes along and kicks me back down. This has been going on for quite a long time, and to be honest, I'm getting tired from it all.<br /><br />But I still keep looking upwards, towards a better vision. What else can I do?Dragonfly Bodhisattvahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11344434965836772457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765119271750129385.post-55936809447405522842010-02-18T17:31:00.000-08:002010-02-18T17:38:17.598-08:00100218It's been a VERY trying week and a half. Teresa, my friend, coven sister and Teacher, died unexpectedly. Apparently she fell down her stairs in the middle of the night, and wasn't discovered until after 12 hours later. It's been very difficult for the entire coven and pagan community. We're going to miss her greatly...I know that I will especially.<br /><br />I kept feeling a nudging, and believed it to be Teresa, telling me to continue on with my training...so I decided that it would honor Teresa if I finished my training with her Teacher, Kia-Marie, and Kia said yes.<br /><br />She died between Friday/Saturday, February 5/6. My heart is still aching, but I know that Life must still continue. I need to finish my Requiem for her and create a requiem book for those that have passed on.Dragonfly Bodhisattvahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11344434965836772457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765119271750129385.post-84192411206787167472010-01-20T14:21:00.000-08:002010-01-20T14:25:42.720-08:00100120Today is a good day. Many keep saying that the promotion that I didn't get hasn't 'hit' me yet, but I think it has. I'm not upset or hurt over not getting it. I feel rather numb and indifferent now. <br /><br />That Consciousness Cleanse that I've been doing (this is Day 3) is working out ok, except some of these first steps I've already done before. I'm going to continue with this process and see what comes of it.<br /><br />I definitely need to start getting back into my yoga practice. I think that's the reason for my aches and pains.<br /><br />NamasteDragonfly Bodhisattvahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11344434965836772457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765119271750129385.post-17709980961397288182010-01-19T16:28:00.000-08:002010-01-19T16:31:36.552-08:00100119I've thought things through since yesterday's post. I was hurt, and I let that hurt feeling run rampant and allow it to control me. I'm glad that I grabbed the reigns and put a halt to it. After seeing things in a different perspective, after much contemplation, I realized that what needs to happen is exactly what will happen. If I get that promotion, so be it, but if I don't I can't let it stop me from seeing the bigger picture: the Divine knows better. My mantra for today is: Let go and let God/dess. It's so hard to relinquish control, but I know that it needs to be done. So be it.<br /><br />NamasteDragonfly Bodhisattvahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11344434965836772457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765119271750129385.post-12259294629984091582010-01-18T14:06:00.000-08:002010-01-18T14:12:54.808-08:00100118Feeling very frustrated at the moment. Trying to rise above this frustration and understand it more. Perhaps this frustration, or rather the source of the frustration, is the catalyst I need to change my reality. I think that I'll let things proceed as they will, paying attention to my feelings as I go along. If things need to change because I cannot tolerate this situation, then I'll really push for Barnes and Noble in February, since that's when they'll be hiring.<br /><br />Baduktai T'CaemDragonfly Bodhisattvahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11344434965836772457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765119271750129385.post-63154369224511049202010-01-13T14:42:00.000-08:002010-01-13T14:46:12.610-08:00100113Today I put in my application and resume at Barnes and Noble. I need a change from DD. I like the job and most of the people, but sometimes the stress really overwhelms me and starts wreaking havoc on my health, mental/emotional/physical. I did ask the Elements' blessings, as well as the L/L's.<br /><br />Today is an okay day, I suppose. Just feel withdrawn and 'out there,' if anyone can really know what that means. Oh well. I have to work tomorrow, basically to make up my calling in yesterday (which I really don't mind...I won't be minus one day of pay in next week's check).<br /><br />Baduktai T'Caem (my personal Blessing words from Spirit)<br />NamasteDragonfly Bodhisattvahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11344434965836772457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765119271750129385.post-86058958212314430672010-01-11T14:00:00.000-08:002010-01-11T14:05:18.699-08:00100111Life is but a Journey...Death isn't the Destination but only a doorway into the next reality, and thus the start of a new Journey.<br /><br />I've been really considering quitting my job and finding something new. I'm tired of rude and ignorant people, even though in any job I might fight there will always be rude and ignorant people. But I feel the job I'm in now make people more worse, more agitated, and more ignorantly rude. I so need a change in my life: a new locale, a new job, new opportunities. <br /><br />I also would like to find a Life Partner. I'm tired of being alone, feeling so unloved. I know that I'm loved by other friends and family, but I want to be loved by someone special, someone close, someone intimately.Dragonfly Bodhisattvahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11344434965836772457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765119271750129385.post-4682785191264503122010-01-06T15:29:00.000-08:002010-01-06T15:39:12.850-08:00100106Happy New Year. Well at least one of them during a year's time. I think that there should be several new beginnings each year to start again. Humans constantly fall short of their dreams, goals and ideals. Being realistic about our humanness and our frailties and failings will enable us to become better spiritual beings, regardless if we believe that we are or not. We're human. We make mistakes. What better way to help us learn is but by getting up, brushing ourselves off, forgiving ourselves and starting again. I've always believed that there are 3 basic keys to Happiness: to Forgive, To Let Go and To Move On. But a greater universal truth is that Life is but a practice: we may succeed and fail, but the thing is to never quit. Learn from our mistakes, be mindful of the world around us and learn as much as we can, from each other, from our universe and from ourselves.<br /><br />NamasteDragonfly Bodhisattvahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11344434965836772457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765119271750129385.post-60226602269587676312009-12-28T13:26:00.000-08:002009-12-28T13:39:19.174-08:00091228It's been awhile since I've written. Many things have been going on in my life. Isn't it funny how Life itself can become so busy during a holiday, even if one doesn't even buy into the whole materialistic side of the holiday?<br /><br />I've been very depressed for the past few months, but hiding it as best I can. Many people can see through my guise, but most can't. I'm lonely, even though there are many people around me. I miss having someone special in my life: someone I can share the ups and downs with, someone to laugh and cry with, someone to sleep and cuddle with, someone to just love and be loved by... ***sigh*** How I miss that! I haven't even had sex with someone else for 5 months! I just don't feel very sexual most of the time, and even with myself I can't really maintain the momentum. <br /><br />I'd like to find the ideal mate, if that's possible. I've even been considering doing spellwork...a 45-day spell detailing each detail/trait that I'm looking for. The problem is, should I start it on the Full Moon or New Moon? I'm thinking the New Moon so at the peak of power it will be the Full Moon after all 45 traits have been requested and sent out. Now to come up with the 45 traits ;)<br /><br />I'm very upset the my oldest son, who will be 21yo tomorrow, didn't even call me for Christmas. I had my two other sons with me, but the oldest never even called. I'm not sure if I'm more hurt than angry.<br /><br />This area is really getting to me. I feel trapped, with no money and no where to go for help. Neither church can help, family can't help, friends can't help, and the County won't help because I owe them $230 from 2 years ago. Suffocating, that's what I feel most of the time. I'm tired of the people and their attitudes. I just want to run away, find some solitude somewhere, but I can't.Dragonfly Bodhisattvahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11344434965836772457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765119271750129385.post-58203075638834152652009-12-12T05:26:00.000-08:002009-12-12T05:33:05.473-08:00091212Not feeling too well today. Had to get up early for work. Now my stomach aches and I have to keep running to the restroom to relieve myself. Uggghhh, I hate being sick!<br /><br />So many things to do and so little time to do it, it seems. The story of Life. Oh well.<br /><br />BlessingsDragonfly Bodhisattvahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11344434965836772457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765119271750129385.post-86010207563355523692009-12-11T14:14:00.000-08:002009-12-11T14:20:11.892-08:00091211Today is an okay day I suppose. Not really happy about opening at 4am tomorrow morning, but what can I do? Nothing. At least I have a job.<br /><br />I'm really looking forward to Yule next weekend. Not sure what to expect though. I've never done an overnight ritual with the coven. I'm really not looking forward to going outside and tending the fire in the middle of the night, but I'll deal.<br /><br />People are getting more and more miserable when it gets closer to Christmas. I find that very disconcerting. It's supposed to be a joyous event to them, yet they seem like they have totally forgot the meaning behind the whole event. As a Pagan, I see Yule/Christmas as the birth of the Sun Child, the Bringer of Light to the world, whether we name that child Christ, or Lugh or whatever. It's still Hope wrapped up in a blanket, waiting to grow.<br /><br />BlessingsDragonfly Bodhisattvahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11344434965836772457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765119271750129385.post-79690651702443125242009-12-09T15:57:00.000-08:002009-12-09T16:16:08.983-08:00091209Today was an alright day. I finished putting up the christmas/yule tree and decorations. Went to my psychiatrist appointment and spilled my guts. He's come to the conclusion that I do suffer from Seasonal Affectual Disorder, and that he's going to do some research on their new studies...that LED lights just as effective as those expensive sun-lamps.<br /><br />I've also come to the conclusion that I shouldn't hate christmas. The reason? Because it is still following the ancient way of bringing the Son of Light into the world, in His yearly cycle, dispelling the darkness. The Sun Child, as the Oak King, overthrows the Holly King and the Light begins to grow, albeit too slowly for my liking. But nevertheless it still continues...the cycle continues.<br /><br />As one who follows a Buddhist mind-set, although part of the time, I still find it difficult to cultivate love and compassion for all of humanity. There are many sick and evil people out there. Many who are hurting, many who are frightened, many who are miserable...but there are many who don't want to be loved, who don't want to be social, who don't want anything positive in their lives. So I'm learning to accept that, and that I don't have to waste my time and energy trying to change those people but to accept them the way they are and give them their space. If they don't want my love and/or compassion, my friendship nor my concern, then I won't give it to them. It's not my loss, but theirs, and that is something that I have to remember. I don't hate people...I just greatly dislike some of their attitudes, actions, biases, words, etc. I still have hope for humanity. I still would like them to open their minds, hearts and spirits to great possibilities, but because of their chosen religious viewpoints, that is often very difficult for them to do or highly improbable. I offer up my prayers to those who are struggling and refuse to open up to more than what they've been taught.<br /><br />BlessingsDragonfly Bodhisattvahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11344434965836772457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765119271750129385.post-38422597446545818022009-12-07T14:42:00.000-08:002009-12-07T14:51:42.441-08:00091207Today is kind of blah day. It started off okay. I put up the xmas tree and some decorations. Did some cleaning and such. Then came to work.<br /><br />I've been feeling very depressed the past week or so. I know I'm moving down into that time of year for me, and I have been trying to keep myself 'up' and moving, BUT it's been quite difficult. Most of the time I just want to turn totally inward, stay inside and lock the world out. I don't want to go anywhere, or do anything, or see anyone. And then I get bored and need to do something, but still not go outside.<br /><br />I HATE Utica. No, perhaps I really despise it, if that's a stronger word than hate. It's a cesspool. I feel the energy just being sucked out of me. I've been really hating people, strangers...people I'm supposed to have and cultivate love and compassion for. I'm losing faith and hope in humanity. I'm annoyed with what I call those who are voluntarily ignorant: they choose to ignore many truths, perceptions, and/or possibilities, or refuse to open their minds to other what they've been taught and told what was right and the truth. <br /><br />Oh well. More on this later.<br /><br />BlessingsDragonfly Bodhisattvahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11344434965836772457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3765119271750129385.post-1859575024266735642009-12-05T10:15:00.000-08:002009-12-09T16:06:54.257-08:00First Post<span style="font-size:100%;">This is my first posting. I've decided to start blogging and share my feeling with all to see. Since no one, or very few of you, will find out my true identity (or even care less if you do or don't want to know), I think it safe enough.<br /><br />There are many things on my mind right now, but first things first...an introduction.<br /><br />What does my name mean? Dragonfly is one of my totems and Bodhisattva is a Buddhist concept. Instead of defining it I'll just let you look that information up for yourself. Then put the two names together and there you have it.<br /><br />What is the significance to me? A lot. Dragonfly is a fierce and patient hunter, who is very adamant at times in catching his prey. This lesson teaches me to not give up for those things that I truly want and need in my life, to be determined to succeed in all endeavors. The Bodhisattva teaches me that no matter how much I may have, there are others who will have more, and others who will have less.<br /><br />I also consider myself to be a growing Mystic...one who sees beyond the surface and tries to discover and learn beyond that which can by normal means. I don't believe that any ONE religions has all the answers, but each has a piece or two of the puzzle of the Great Mystery. For any religion to say that it is the One True Religion is fooling itself, deceiving others as well as themselves. If 'God' is so vast, how can one perception, one perspective and/or one view be the one and only true one?<br /><br />I am also a 3rd degree Wiccan High Priest. No, I don't worship Satan or devils or evil. I believe in the cycles nature, following the earth-centered consciousness and living in accordance with saving and living WITH the planet and Her creatures rather than manipulating, raping and destroying it.<br /><br />So there's that. There will be more to follow later.<br /><br />Blessings<br /></span>Dragonfly Bodhisattvahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11344434965836772457noreply@blogger.com0