Switching Names and Moving

Hello Everyone who follows this...
I've decided to change my blog name to Dragonfly Mystic and will hence be posting from now on over to that account here at Blogger. Please look for me there.

B/HPSP/DB/DM

20100630

It's definitely been quite awhile since I've posted, but now that I have access to internet I will be posting hopefully at least once a week or so.

My latest lesson learned is: "Truth, like Beauty, is in the eyes of the beholder, and therefore not absolute."

Been really struggling with finances, seeing how I was fired from Dunkin' Donuts March 12, because my manager couldn't stand me, because I was gay (her Assistant Manager was gay and she wanted him to be the only queer there), and that I was pagan (which she continually asked questions and then degraded my answers). My transgendered sibling also was fired the same day for questioning why I was fired (s/he worked there as well, but was off the clock). The manager claims it was for insubordination, and accuses of me of calling her a very vulgar name. Well we have sent our 1st Rebuttal in for our lawsuit against the company and against her.

Other than that, working p/t as a cashier at a local grocery store. My car died 2 weeks ago and will cost $400-600 to fix, which I don't have. I'll be 5 months in arrears with rent, have a disconnection notice from National Grid and am sinking deeper into depression quite often.

On a good note, I became Music Director for an upcoming Victorian Leisure Fair which is forming here in CNY, which will be held at the Erie Canal Village in Rome NY. It will be every Sat/Sun beginning July 31st through Sept 5th, 10:00am-7:00pm. It is set in Victorian England and we're quite excited about it. I'll be doing tarot readings and crystal ball and water scrying in the Gypsy Camp. Please help spread the word!

Namaste

20100328

Well many things have happened since posting last. First of all, Kris and I were fired from Dunkin' Donuts on the same day! Kris was off the clock and just asked a question, while I told the manager, Melissa, to get over it when I made a mistake punching in an order at drive-thru! How idiotic!!! I know that Melissa has been wanting to get rid of me, just waiting for an excuse, but I NEVER thought that she would go that far and accuse me of doing something that I didn't do, which is SO out of my character! She accused me of calling her a C U Next Tuesday!!! I was flabbergasted! I vowed to her on my priest robes that I did no such thing, but she didn't care. Harriet was even in on it because she wanted her Senior Shift Leader title back.

So now we're fighting it, the non due process that we feel we should've gotten. I find this whole situation so bogus. Melissa, in all her insecurities, especially with me being highly educated and articulate, is so freaking immature and shouldn't be a manager of anything. It's just so frustrating.

My ritual for Mystic Circle went really well. I read part of what I wanted to say occasionally, but didn't rely on the script totally. Everyone liked it, which I'm thankful for.

*sighs* Oh well. I'm here at Barnes & Noble in Clay on Route 31 waiting for our CNY PPD meeting at 3pm. Just got to love planning meetings! It's going to be quite difficult without Teresa here. How I miss her so!

Baduktai T'Caem

100311

It's been quite awhile since I posted. I've just been working a lot, getting ready for the first ritual that I'm in charge of for Mystic Circle this Ostara, and reading.

I really wish that I could find myself. I know who I am but I'm not really sure where I want to be, or what I want to do. I know that I miss performing, I miss focusing on my music and composing, miss working with professional musicians. I feel that I still want to go for nursing and become an RN but I'm not sure how to go about it. I still owe NYS money. The system sucks! It keeps you trapped, no matter how much potential you have, yet it gives to foreigners free education and money all in the name of diplomacy! BAH!

I'm just so frustrated with my life. I know that I am responsible for it turning out this way, but I'm not sure which choices or avenues to help correct it. So I'm stuck, stuck in this hole, and just when I climb my way almost out, something comes along and kicks me back down. This has been going on for quite a long time, and to be honest, I'm getting tired from it all.

But I still keep looking upwards, towards a better vision. What else can I do?

100218

It's been a VERY trying week and a half. Teresa, my friend, coven sister and Teacher, died unexpectedly. Apparently she fell down her stairs in the middle of the night, and wasn't discovered until after 12 hours later. It's been very difficult for the entire coven and pagan community. We're going to miss her greatly...I know that I will especially.

I kept feeling a nudging, and believed it to be Teresa, telling me to continue on with my training...so I decided that it would honor Teresa if I finished my training with her Teacher, Kia-Marie, and Kia said yes.

She died between Friday/Saturday, February 5/6. My heart is still aching, but I know that Life must still continue. I need to finish my Requiem for her and create a requiem book for those that have passed on.

100120

Today is a good day. Many keep saying that the promotion that I didn't get hasn't 'hit' me yet, but I think it has. I'm not upset or hurt over not getting it. I feel rather numb and indifferent now.

That Consciousness Cleanse that I've been doing (this is Day 3) is working out ok, except some of these first steps I've already done before. I'm going to continue with this process and see what comes of it.

I definitely need to start getting back into my yoga practice. I think that's the reason for my aches and pains.

Namaste

100119

I've thought things through since yesterday's post. I was hurt, and I let that hurt feeling run rampant and allow it to control me. I'm glad that I grabbed the reigns and put a halt to it. After seeing things in a different perspective, after much contemplation, I realized that what needs to happen is exactly what will happen. If I get that promotion, so be it, but if I don't I can't let it stop me from seeing the bigger picture: the Divine knows better. My mantra for today is: Let go and let God/dess. It's so hard to relinquish control, but I know that it needs to be done. So be it.

Namaste

100118

Feeling very frustrated at the moment. Trying to rise above this frustration and understand it more. Perhaps this frustration, or rather the source of the frustration, is the catalyst I need to change my reality. I think that I'll let things proceed as they will, paying attention to my feelings as I go along. If things need to change because I cannot tolerate this situation, then I'll really push for Barnes and Noble in February, since that's when they'll be hiring.

Baduktai T'Caem

100113

Today I put in my application and resume at Barnes and Noble. I need a change from DD. I like the job and most of the people, but sometimes the stress really overwhelms me and starts wreaking havoc on my health, mental/emotional/physical. I did ask the Elements' blessings, as well as the L/L's.

Today is an okay day, I suppose. Just feel withdrawn and 'out there,' if anyone can really know what that means. Oh well. I have to work tomorrow, basically to make up my calling in yesterday (which I really don't mind...I won't be minus one day of pay in next week's check).

Baduktai T'Caem (my personal Blessing words from Spirit)
Namaste

100111

Life is but a Journey...Death isn't the Destination but only a doorway into the next reality, and thus the start of a new Journey.

I've been really considering quitting my job and finding something new. I'm tired of rude and ignorant people, even though in any job I might fight there will always be rude and ignorant people. But I feel the job I'm in now make people more worse, more agitated, and more ignorantly rude. I so need a change in my life: a new locale, a new job, new opportunities.

I also would like to find a Life Partner. I'm tired of being alone, feeling so unloved. I know that I'm loved by other friends and family, but I want to be loved by someone special, someone close, someone intimately.

100106

Happy New Year. Well at least one of them during a year's time. I think that there should be several new beginnings each year to start again. Humans constantly fall short of their dreams, goals and ideals. Being realistic about our humanness and our frailties and failings will enable us to become better spiritual beings, regardless if we believe that we are or not. We're human. We make mistakes. What better way to help us learn is but by getting up, brushing ourselves off, forgiving ourselves and starting again. I've always believed that there are 3 basic keys to Happiness: to Forgive, To Let Go and To Move On. But a greater universal truth is that Life is but a practice: we may succeed and fail, but the thing is to never quit. Learn from our mistakes, be mindful of the world around us and learn as much as we can, from each other, from our universe and from ourselves.

Namaste